Moving Forward

Today I come to many realizations. I realize that nothing lasts forever, no matter how beautiful it may appear at first. Nothing is perfect, no matter how much you want to believe it is. You don’t really know people until you’ve really exposed yourself to everything that that person has to offer.

I realize I have to move on, and it’s hard, but it’s in no way impossible. No matter how hard I try to live in the fantasy that is hope, I have to realize that it’s over. And that brings me full circle, right back where I was last year…but not quite.

Last year I was happy, and I was motivated to become the greatest games journalist in the world (a feat that is seemingly impossible yet entirely possible at the same time). This year, I find myself a little less happy, yet thousands of steps closer toward achieving my dream. So where does that leave me? Honestly, I don’t really know. All I am certain of is that I will continue working toward my goal. I won’t let any negative situation I have been a part of in the last couple of months deter me from my goal. If anything, I’ll feed off of that negativity, let it drive me closer to my goal, and turn it into something positive: dedication.

No, I don’t know how I’ll be feeling tomorrow morning. I won’t know how I’m feeling tomorrow night. But I do know I’ll set forth for greatness and do exactly what I’ve said I want to do this whole time.

I will move on.

I will become the greatest games journalist in the world.

I will be driven, focused, and relentless.

What a Difference Five Months Make

So here we are, just over five months removed since my last post on here. And in these five months, my oh my, how things have changed. Last time I wrote an entry here I was barely making any money off of my writing, I was in a loving relationship with a beautiful girl, and I thought things couldn’t get any better. Now I’m making the equivalent of a part-time job just from my games writing, I’m single, and reality has struck.

Making the amount of money I do just from writing about video games is a truly rewarding experience. Hell, it was rewarding when I was only volunteering, so you can imagine how it must feel to make a living off of this. Not only do I contribute by paying bills, but I keep my car running, I can buy food, and I was finally able to kick that security gig to the curb.

Last year at this time I couldn’t be happier being single. I had been in a couple of relationships that left me feeling heartbroken and worn out. For a year and a half, I was happy to be alone; to be able to focus on myself and work toward a career in games journalism. In January, I met a girl that changed my life. I fell for this girl, and I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I was done with my hiatus from women. Sadly, things went awry one month into this summer, and it ended just as suddenly as it began. I’ve never been one to hide my emotions, and I will admit that I feel this lingering, irreparable sadness in my heart.

Lastly, I’d like to talk about the whole reality thing. Yes, reality has struck. A year ago, I was on cloud nine. Emotionally, everything seemed perfect, but I was stuck working sporadically for a security company and writing about video games for free. At the beginning of 2010, I was in a loving relationship, I started making money from my writing, but my anger issues – which I hate bringing up – somewhat resurfaced. Summer started off amazing. I graduated from college, was making money, and things with the girl seemed perfect. Now here I am, making pretty good money, having fun writing, and feeling emotionally torn. The reality is, things really can’t be 100% perfect. It sucks that things are like that, but it is what it is.

I look forward to better days…